I'm beginning to wonder if the nudging and shiddukhin (matchmaking) efforts of yiddishe mamas have exacerbated already challenging Jewish demographic concerns. As a relationship continues, more questions come hurtling toward the innocent couple and public appearances are likely to decrease. The popular duo may, as a result, be rumored to have hit the rocks and greater curiosity is sparked. As offers for blind dates appear, family dinners become covert efforts to introduce the most recent "longtime family friend," and networking takes on a new ring, I get the intense desire to spend Saturday nights in – in the library or anywhere else that allows me to avoid the constant schmoozing.

All this despite the fact (or in part because of it) that I am in a long term relationship. And questions are omnipresent like my shadow on a sunny day. People can't seem to help wanting to ask, "Nu, when's the wedding?" In America, most of the people asking have been religious and from my boyfriend's shul. Presumably, some in my traditional egalitarian havurah also wonder, though at least never in my hearing. Now, being in Israel - a country where so many people get married in their early twenties - makes the matter worse. I feel the questions bulging out of their mouths and they hang in the air like the bubbles of talking characters in cartoons. Questions come from those all over the religious spectrum and it seems as though the entire country is taken with keeping the Jewish population greater than that of the Palestinians. My Israeli boyfriend, in classic Israeli fashion, feels more than comfortable shutting down the conversation abruptly. I, on the other hand, have come up with fun responses which usually I keep to myself, due to my American tendency to politeness. Often, the worst queries come from people I've only just met. I have come too close to telling them that we've already gotten married and though they weren't invited, I keep expecting their present to arrive... I wonder how they would respond if I told them I don't believe in the institution of marriage but that I am pregnant...

Certainly, the perennial interest in dating and the possibility of marriage is embedded in our religion and culture. As Jews, we've always been interested in offspring. Biblically, we couldn't produce enough of them. Jacob seems to have been unable to keep his hands off women and eventually Pharaoh in Egypt wanted the boys killed to minimize Israelite population growth. Censuses during the Israelites' wanderings in the desert fastidiously kept track of their numbers. According to one perspective in Jewish law, men don't fulfill the biblical command to "be fruitful and multiply" unless they produce both a boy and girl. Even though women are technically exempt from fulfilling this mitzvah, there remains the obvious implication of the necessity of their inclusion.

Dating in the Jewish world - though it may be no different in any other culture - seems to put the couple under a magnifying glass too often. With many people dating primarily for temporary companionship, with little or no thought to marriage, the curiosity many well-meaning people hold for others' relationships further discourages young adults to contemplate the institution. Pressure to settle down comes too early and despite the downward trend in marriage due to women's pursuit of professional careers, higher expectations for education and greater desires to "see the world" before settling down (among other reasons), the none-too-subtle pressure doesn't help. Our well intentioned Jewish curiosity gets the better of us when we see love bloom. Curiosity has never been known to kill the cat, but in this case I think it feels like an added and unnecessary pressure on the already delicate balance of dating.