On Relationships

By Brielle Goodman
Johns Hopkins University
(KOACH-On-Campus Editor)

What to say about relationships? Well, in short, in my opinion, by and large they’re a bad idea. Of course, there are exceptions, but by and large, romantic relationships are over-rated.

I’m a proponent of platonic friendships. Friendships are wonderful things, and in a strong friendship, you can have all the needs of a romantic relationship met, with the exception of the physical. And, really, you can take care of the basics of the physical by yourself. I mean, who knows you better than you? Ok, so now, the physical, hormonal urges are out of the way, let’s talk about relationships.

Relationships as friends are great. Everyone needs a support system, people to go out with and let loose, de-stress, what have you. Friends are an essential part of life. And later on, a significant other can really enhance your life as well. However, at our age, what’s the point? You end up dating people who you’re only lukewarm about. Both of you end up getting your hearts and minds messed up and it’s no fun. Stay friends with people who matter to you. Keep in touch with them.

We spend too much time trying to find a person who “will work for us,” rather than deciding which traits are important to us and then trying to find someone who lives up to our standards.

Bad to be alone?

Our culture has taught us that it is a bad thing to be alone. I strongly disagree! Be alone, enjoy your singleness, cherish the people in your life, but don’t tie yourself down to anyone specific. There’s no need to. Once we’ve matured and grown, then we can figure all that out, but really, what’s the rush to grow up so fast?

I mean, sure, go on dates, meet cool Jewish people, don’t associate with those who don’t live by the same values that you consider important. Be true to yourself. Hold out for who and what you deserve. Don’t date those “why not” guys/girls, those people who say they’re interested in you, and you say, “ok, why not?” and when it’s over, you realize it was largely a waste of time. It’s not worth it!

I know from personal experience. I’ve dated both Jews and non-Jews. And I’ve made the decision to only date Jews from now on. I can look back now and realize that every non-Jew I dated was a “why not” guy. The two Jews I’ve dated, I actually cared about, valued and respected. It may just be a coincidence, but I don’t believe it is. I’ve had more meaningful relationships with the Jewish guys I’ve dated. So while I have decided to not date for a while and no longer settle for less than I desire, I have also realized that more of the qualities that I look for in a partner happen to be in those who are Jewish.

Surround yourself with friends...

My recommendation is to surround yourself with friends who you like, have a strong Jewish community around you and when the time is right, look around and see who meets or exceeds your standards. If they don’t, keep looking. Friendships are wonderful and are much more fulfilling than the wrong romance.

[Posted 7/28/03]