Contemplating Kol Nidrei

By Alex Howie
KOC Assistant Editor
Miami University of Ohio

While in synagogue, my mind often wanders. Whether it is the Shabbat morning service or the short weekday Maariv (evening service), I find it hard to concentrate on all the prayers. So instead, I do a little bit of introspection, think about the meaning of the Sabbath, contemplate the craziness of God’s existence, or merely let my thoughts go where they will. On Yom Kippur, though, I feel as if I should have something specific on which to concentrate. But when my mind strays from the hazzan’s repetition, what am I to think of?

Every year I think of something different, and by the next Yom Kippur I have usually forgotten the past one. But this year I may have found something that will stick: Kol Nidrei.

Kol Nidrei is the most widely attended service of the Jewish year and probably the most memorable as well. It is the beginning of our most holy day, Yom Kippur. On this day, we are supposed to stand before God as angels. We try to emulate their perfect spiritual existence to the greatest extent that we are able. The slow, moving chanting of Kol Nidrei gets us into the mind frame needed to stand in awe of God. It is the last thing we say and hear before the sun sets; it creates the atmosphere we need for a day as holy as Yom Kippur.

Yet while Kol Nidrei night might be the most popular service – and the chanting is unforgettable – I don’t think the significance of the actual prayer, the annulling of our vows, is that widely understood. I, for one, have never truly grasped the meaning of the prayer. I wondered, "why do we annul our future vows right before our most fervent prayers to be inscribed in the Book of Life?"

Well, I think I may have finally come up with an answer that works for me.

Perhaps the nullification of our vows is a part of our preparation to transform ourselves into angel-like beings. Angels lack free will, and therefore do not have the necessity – or ability – to make vows. If we were to actually achieve an angelic state, our spirit would be so intertwined with God that we would no longer have the urge to make vows; we would no longer question how to live good and happy lives. We would know with surety everything we did. At the culmination of the Days of Awe, our goal is to achieve this closeness with God. Our hope for the future is to continue that high connection. Yet, because we know that is an impossibility, we ask God to forgive us for our lapses and the brash vows we may make during the year ahead. We ask for all those vows to be treated as if null and void until we can again attempt to achieve an angel-like state on the following Yom Kippur.

That is what I will be thinking about this Yom Kippur. I hope it may be worth some thinking on for some others as well. L’Shanah Tovah!

[Posted 9/8/10]