The Yom Kippur Mirror: Reflections on Repentance

By Arielle Feit
List College/Columbia University

Everything in life is about results. In my physics class, I learned that while it's important to know how to solve a problem, it doesn't mean much without the final answer. Likewise, coaches may say, "It's not whether you win or lose, it's how you play the game," but how much do they really mean it?

Let's face it – life is about dealing with the means only to reach the ends we seek.

But what if it wasn't? What if life was simply about the process, rather than the final product? Can the baby steps be just as significant even if they never lead to a final jump?

Yom Kippur is the Day of Atonement, a day that some Jews look to as their last chance to be sealed in the Book of Life. From the first line of Kol Nidrei, Yom Kippur's opening service, we annul the vows that we will make, and break, during the upcoming year, just as we did a year ago for the past year's promises. This day, for many, is the pinnacle of repentance, as we are supposed to have already asked for one another's forgiveness for sins committed between human beings; today is our chance to ask God for forgiveness for sins we have committed against the Divine.

But what if Yom Kippur isn't about being sealed in the Book of Life at all? What if the entire purpose of the Holy Day is to repent for the sake of repentance, for our sakes, for the sake of humankind? What if the day's forced introspection is actually the whole point, rather than just the means to an end of another year on earth?

Though I appreciate the big existential questions that come out of Yom Kippur – like "What role does God play in my existence on earth?" – I prefer to use the day to focus on the big questions that challenge me to use my upcoming year on earth more wisely than the last: "What can I do to contribute more positively to the world around me? How can I learn from last year's mistakes to make the upcoming year better for myself and for the people I both love and interact with? What changes do I need to make to my environment to allow myself to become a better person?"

Kol Nidrei is a subtle yet powerful way of beginning the final process of reflection that many of us utilize, and even look forward to, on Yom Kippur. It is our moment to really look to the past year and realize that we did, in fact, make promises we could not keep; that we set prohibitions on ourselves that we could not abide by; that we have, in reality, come nowhere near the perfection that we strive to achieve each year.

It is my hope that this year will be one of deep introspection – not for the sake of your rabbi, or your friends, or even God, but for the sake of introspection itself; for the chance to look inside yourself and realize what you have accomplished and what you still need to work on; for the opportunity to become a better human being and contribute more efficiently, and more positively, to the world around you. Reflect for the sake of reflecting – allow it to be your means and your end.

If we are lucky, someday we, as people, will achieve a level of holiness, of kindness, and of truth that will allow Jews to read the words of Kol Nidrei and wonder how people could have ever needed to annul their vows for the upcoming year ahead of time. On that Yom Kippur, and on this Yom Kippur, may we all be sealed in the Book of Life.

Shanah Tovah, G'mar Hatimah Tovah. Happy New Year!

Arielle Feit is a senior at List College, the Joint Program between Columbia University and the Jewish Theological Seminary. She is majoring in Urban Studies (Columbia) and Talmud (JTS), and is hoping to go into hospital chaplaincy after she graduates.

[Posted 9/8/10]