Forget Giving: Learn How to Receive

By Joel Udwin
University of Massachusetts, Amherst

When I was told of this month's theme for the KOACH e-zine, I thought it would be incredibly easy topic to write about. I also took the theme quite literally. According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, the word "giving" has thirty meanings and forty-two sub-meanings. Despite the apparent multitude of meanings of giving, none of them seem to satisfactorily convey what giving really is. They do, however, explain why fewer and fewer people use dictionaries (and no, the thesaurus function in Microsoft Word does not count). After looking through the dictionary, I realized that giving is pretty hard to define.

According to the Merriam-Webster dictionary, when I think of giving, I should think of a transitive verb, as in, to "give a doll to a child." Either the dictionary is wrong, or my parents are. I was raised to believe that giving was part of a phrase as in giving back. But giving back how? Most people (me included) think it is enough to send some money to organizations, or volunteer once in a while. But when my local rabbi spoke on this topic, I learned that the "meaning of giving" was not giving some money or volunteering once in a while. I learned that the "meaning of giving" is receiving.

In the Jewish tradition, giving is a mitzvah that falls under the category of tzedakah. Tzedakah can be translated as justice. In Jewish thought, giving and charity are equated with justice. In a sense, when we give money to a homeless person, or books to a school which cannot afford them, we are correcting an injustice in the world. But apparently correcting the injustice is not enough; we must understand the injustice.

According to Pirkei Avot (Ethics of the Fathers), we can develop an understanding of injustice through gemilut hasadim. Although gemilut hasadim is usually translated to mean "acts of loving kindness," in reality, the words literally mean ‘reciprocal acts of kindness.' In order to fulfill the principle of gemilut hasadim, when we give, we need to be open to receiving. For example, I shouldn't just donate money to Hillel. I should develop a relationship with the organization, understand the problems of the organization, "the injustice," and then, once I understand, I should give back.

Simply put, the meaning of giving is receiving. After all, how can we give back and help the people of Darfur, or homeless veterans, or our own Jewish institutions if we don't understand the problems they face? Obviously there is a place, and a need for sending money to various worthy causes without really understanding them. But giving is so much more potent and fulfilling when we are willing to receive, to understand injustice, to develop relationships, all of which allows us to give more meaningfully and effectively.

Joel Udwin is a freshman at Boston University. He is studying management information systems, in the School of Management. When he is not studying, Joel likes to spend time with his friends eating Indian food.

[Posted 6/3/11]