This Time of Year

By Marc Epstein
University of Rochester

As a senior in college, the buildup of stress in the upper quadrant of my chest is due to one devilishly aggravating question – what am I going to be doing after college? During the high holidays, it's okay for me to have a vague answer, because there's still a whole year of college between me and the "real" world.

Of course, that's assuming that when someone asks me about my post-collegiate plans, it's specifically with regard to career aspirations. I'd like to pose the question in a different context though. It will come as no surprise to the reader, since this is the KOACH E-zine, that I'm going to put this question in the context of Judaism – what am I going to do Jewishly after graduation?

The high holidays have always been my benchmark for how I stand in my practice and beliefs. My first question is always along the lines of, "On a scale of one to ten, one being I've been an awful Jew and my picture is hanging next to the Book of Life with a big ‘BANNED' sign next to it and 10 being I've been written in the Book of Life in Sharpie, how am I doing?" Of course, my answer always being an honest 10, I usually have to dig a bit deeper. How have I changed from this time last year? Why have I changed? Are those changes for the better? And what do I do now?

Each year those questions take on different meanings and different importance. If you're able to ask yourself these questions as a freshman, you're ahead of the game. You can take what you enjoyed and found meaningful in high school and practice it in college and cut out what was either meaningless or a waste of time. As a sophomore or junior, you can evaluate what you've accidentally lost in the chaos that is college and try to get it back. You can see if what you've cut out on purpose had more meaning than you originally thought. As a senior, you have to start concentrating even more heavily on that last question, "what do I do now?"

It's not easy to get the kind of truthful introspection to answer these questions. Most times, it's just too much fun ignoring them while out partying or just hanging out with friends. Even during the high holidays, when you're busy with the annual "how many Jews do I know at my school" competition, it's tough to take a second and see if you're missing something since you were shacked up in a ten-by-ten dorm room with a roommate for the first time.

As cliché as it sounds, college flies by. Before you know it, you're a senior and you've been to services a total of at least eight times, once each year for Rosh HaShanah and Yom Kippur. So if you find yourself zoning out during an endless repetition of the Musaf Amidah, instead of asking your neighbor "on a scale of one to ten, how many interceptions is Brett Favre going to throw this weekend?" try going for something new, and maybe you'll find something that can make college – or post-college – a bit more meaningful.

Marc Epstein is a senior at the University of Rochester. He was the Opinions Editor for UR's Campus Times from 2007-2008 and is actively involved in UR's Hillel chapter.

[Posted 9/18/09]