Why I Don't Care About Interdating

By Lily Glushakow-Smith
Towson University

I know, probably not the title expected for an article in this issue. And it's not really true. If I have reasons for not caring about something, by definition I care. However, I do have your attention now, and that is the point.

We are in college. For many of us, I know for me, that means that we study during the week, mostly, and party on the weekends, mostly. We are active in about 50 different things, the most important ones being procrastinating, chilling, and partying. And we do them well. But where does that leave us for dating?

Personally, I have not found any serious dating prospects. And even if I had found that "perfect somebody," I really am NOT interested in any kind of serious relationship. Maybe someone to regularly have a good time with, but let's be serious, I am not looking for my life partner here!

Which brings me to my next question: does it really matter who I hang out with, spend my time with, have a good time with, now?

That's a personal choice. But, since I got to write the article, I'm going to give my opinion.

Of course it matters who you hang out with, spend your time with, have a good time with! Your friends, for that is generally the group of people who match those criteria, should be those that live by your same moral and ethical standards. I'm a big believer in Hillel's definition of the Torah to the man who wanted to learn the entire Torah while standing on one foot: "what is hateful to you, do not do unto others. The rest is commentary." That should be anyone's guideline for who their friends are, and to their own way of life.

However, the question was about the whole dating Jews versus non Jews. I guess my answer is that I have found that most often, a Jewish person is most likely to understand my way of life and my way of living. However, some of my closest friends and most meaningful relationships have been with non Jews. Essentially, if the people you surround yourself with bring you happiness and comfort, then their religion is irrelevant. It is merely important not to lose oneself; anyone who meets the prior criteria should not require you to become someone else.

Thus, I have found that the question of interdating is fairly irrelevant. I am a fan of same-gender couples, yes, but I appreciate that in college, the relationships that we are making are fluid and based on convenience. For that reason, interdating strikes me as an irrelevant question. Intermarriage, though, is another question entirely….

Lily is a first year student at Towson University in Baltimore, MD. She is double majoring in Math & Computer Science, minoring in Judaic Studies, an officer of Towson's women's rugby club, a hopeful Jewish Learning Chair for her Hillel in 2010-2011 school year, a member of the Jewish sorority on campus, a part time waitress, an active member of her residence hall's building council, and chair of the "Green Committee" for her building. In her spare time, she ponders the delicate balance between her desires to fit in with secular life and her compelling urges to be a layleader of the Jewish community.

[Posted 5/14/10]