The Future is Now

By Rabbi Elyse Winick
Associate Director for KOACH
USCJ Department of Youth and Young Adult Services

I found it deeply troubling to read through the submissions for this month's KOACH on Campus. To read that our students are reasonably at home with the idea of interfaith relationships, even if they themselves are not inclined to be part of one, pulled at my heart. And yet, this is the world in which we live – the reality of interfaith relationships will not disappear. Rather than wringing our hands about what is, we need to be directing our energies to what could be.

The old models of prevention no longer obtain. Tevye may have wanted to pretend that Chava was dead, but she wasn't. Too many hearts were broken by that approach and intermarriage rates did not decline. Threats and guilt will not reverse the tide. But a compelling and vibrant Jewish life just might.

Which brings me to another experience I had in the weeks leading up to this month's ezine.

I listened in amazement recently as a young woman told the story of her father's quest to have their non-egalitarian synagogue take her level of observance seriously. To his dismay, the rabbi said, "The needs of the synagogue aren't going to be defined by a 20 year old." Her father, who had only recently accepted her desire to wear tefillin, told the rabbi that if he had to decide between the synagogue to which he had been devoted for more than 20 years and his 20 year old daughter, there was no question which side he would take.

For the student, the centerpiece of this story was her father's willingness to take her side, to stand with her over something he wasn't quite sure he supported. She was right, and I could see from the shine in her eyes how happy and validated she felt, and I felt it right alongside her.

For me, though, the centerpiece of the story was the rabbi's shocking response. Make no mistake: as long as there are Conservative Jews whose view on halakhah (Jewish law) does not leave room for egalitarianism, I strongly believe that there should be synagogues in which they can pray in accordance with their beliefs. My dismay over what the rabbi said has nothing to do with the synagogue's stance on women's rights and responsibilities in prayer.

I am horrified, though, that a rabbi could suggest that the needs of a 20 year old should not figure into how a synagogue defines itself. The number of synagogues in which twentysomethings actually feel at home is small. That college students and young professionals cannot find a place for themselves in our congregations should make our heads spin. If you don't feel comfortable there now, how can we dream that you will ever come back later?

It's true, college students and young adults don't pay dues and you aren't donors. You are, though, our most valuable resource. You have much to contribute spiritually, personally, emotionally. If we welcome you into vibrant communities which embrace you, engage you and value you, you will want to return, again and again. And then, perhaps, you'll find your partners there. Or you may find a life and a spirit that you just can't live without. And you'll be filled with joy and meaning and will want to share that with others.

This was just one rabbi in just one synagogue. But we've heard from many of you who feel out of place in shul when you go home. The synagogues must rise to the challenge, it's true, and the professional leadership of KOACH will continue to wave that banner.

At the same time, you can own this. How can you make a home for yourself in a synagogue setting? Being there is half the battle – so many synagogues don't see your value because they don't see you. Now, as you return home for the summer, you can make your presence known. Meet with your rabbi and tell him or her what you are looking for. Invite your friends to join you on Shabbat. If you can gather nine of them (plus you!), see if your synagogue will let you use space to davven in the style you have grown to love through your campuses, through KOACH, through USY or Ramah.

This is your Jewish life. Embrace it. Build on it. And don't be shy about making sure that the Movement which has carried you this far doesn't forget you now.

[Posted 5/14/10]