Ethical Dilemmas

By Rabbi Elyse Winick
KOACH Assistant Editor

Part I

A former neighbor of ours was recently convicted of stealing Holocaust-era artwork from another neighbor who had entrusted him with the key to his home when moving into assisted living. This theft was definitely illegal; arguably, there are probably half a dozen ways we could also label it as unethical. Does one mitigate the other? Can something be illegal and not be unethical?

Part II

It's worth nothing that in 13 years of being his neighbor, I was never fully comfortable around him. No, I didn't predict that he was capable of theft or elder abuse (of sorts). He just made me ill at ease. Moving away was, in at least this way, a relief. Fast forward to a night a few weeks ago, before hearing of his conviction. My children and I sat down at a local sandwich shop, only to realize that he was at the table behind us. We hunkered down, hoping not to be recognized, inhaled our tuna and slithered away. Imagining that lightning doesn't strike twice, we found ourselves in the same sandwich shop last night. My husband pointed out that, once again, he was seated nearby. I aimed for the farthest seat in the restaurant, saying that I would be uncomfortable speaking with him. It took a few minutes for my husband to reach our table and, when I looked up, I saw him chatting with the former neighbor (something he had to go out of his way to do, given the location of the table). Was it wrong for me to avoid him? Was it unethical? Could it have been wrong, but not unethical?

Note that I'm not trying to equate his transgression and mine – if mine truly was a transgression. Nor am I trying to justify mine by the way it pales next to his. I'm just trying to understand the breadth and scope of ethical behavior and how we define those norms.

The Sources

Pirkei Avot, which is often translated as the Ethics of the Fathers (really, though, a perek is just a chapter) offers the following: "Nitai the Arbeli taught: Keep far from an evil neighbor…." That would seem to support my wanting to keep my distance, kind of like "May God bless and keep the Czar…far away from me!" I don't wish the man ill. The courts will mete out justice. I just don't feel obligated to interact with him.

From a different perspective, Chaim Reines articulates ethical responsibility in this way: "While the foundation of ethics is to be found in the dignity of man by reason of his creation in the image of God, the directive for concrete moral action is to be sought in the commandment of love. Ethics must have as its leitmotif the idea of humanity, but since its actual specific concern is with the individual and his relationship to his fellow man, only the love of man can serve as its generative force." (from Contemporary Jewish Ethics, ed. Kellner) Surely my neighbor is created in God's image just as much as the next guy. By this definition, my desire to avoid him is truly a violation.

A Possible Conclusion

While we tend to focus on more global forms of ethics, like massive financial misconduct and feeding the hungry, this sometimes leads us away from a basic principle. To riff on the words of Tip O'Neill, all ethics are local. We need to struggle with our understanding of ethics on a micro level, just as much as we struggle on a macro level. In many ways, the big violations are easier to pinpoint. It's the smaller, interpersonal transgressions which can be harder to see.

My conclusion regarding my neighbor? Honestly, I really don't know. I'm torn between Nitai the Arbeli (who, truth be told, was known for harsh judgments) and Chaim Reines. I yearn to see God's presence in every human face, but I know there are moments when it is difficult to rise above the shadows I might see there. Does it seem more straightforward to you? I'd be interested to hear what you think.

[Posted 4/23/09]